Dealing with Blended Family Problems

dealing with blended family problemsYou may be in love with your partner, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t face blended family problems. Your marriage may be heaven, but the step kids can make it hell, so here are some thoughts about how you can conquer blended family problems and have a peaceful, happy home.

The Problem in Blended Families

One woman said, “I love my husband, but wish I could divorce his kids!” This sums up how many step parents feel, and especially how they feel used and abused by their step children. Trying to parent kids in blended families can produce real problems and conflict, even between a loving couple because the birth father often tries to appease his children by taking their side against his new partner.

You need to recognize that step families are born of loss. Often the remarried couple forget this, but the kids don’t! Also, step parents and step children do not necessarily love each other, especially if the kids are being influenced by the other biological parent.

Step kids often feel pushed out of the parent-child relationship they once had with their biological parent, as can react against the new step parent.

In addition, conflict over parenting styles can be huge! Spouses must talk to each other like a couple, while parents need to talk like parents to the children.

Tips for solving Blended Family Problems

1. Put yourself in the stepchild’s place. They didn’t ask for the divorce or death, and they didn’t ask for you to come on the scene.

2. Make your marriage your number one priority. Seeing a strong, stable marriage can be great for kids who have been through a failed parent relationship

3. Be gracious, even when you try to be firm. Often it is the way you deliver discipline which hurts them the most.

4. Always speak kind and positive words about your spouse in front of the children.

5. Do not contradict your spouse in front of the children.

6. Only say positive things about your spouse’s ex-partner, no matter what you think of them

7. Allow your partner to take the lead in disciplining their children.

8. Seek counseling for problems as they arise, rather than letting things slide to the point where emotions and consequences are running high!

You Can Overcome Blended Family Problems

Blended family problems aren’t new, they have been around as long as families themselves. However, if you are wise about how you relate to your stepchildren, you can make your home a happy and productive place and you can not only learn to live with but discover how to overcome most blended family problems.

Young Single Mothers are Better than Their Reputation

young single momsWithout a doubt young single mothers have a less than stellar reputation when it comes to disciplining children and raising a family. Many people in our society look down on them, but I believe that young single mothers deserve our support, not our scorn, and that if we give them our support they can create successful families.

Why are Young Single Mothers So Maligned?

Young single mothers are often viewed as being “kids having kids”, and many look down on them because they assume they are promiscuous or stupid falling pregnant.

However, it should be recognised that many young people are having sex, often with multiple partners, yet not all of these girls become mothers. Like most young people, girls think they are bullet proof and live the same lifestyle as everybody else, until something goes wrong and they discover that they are pregnant.

Many of these girls do not abort their baby, but bravely face a future as a single mom, including the social stigma and the implications for their own dreams and desires in life. These girls should not be looked upon as whores but rather as heroes!

What Single Mothers Give Up

Young single mothers have to grow up quickly. They may have been fooling around and carefree when they fell pregnant, but they have to face the reality of a completely different life for the sake of their child.

 

1. They Give Up Fun!

Most young mothers have to make the decision to give up fun, not being able to go out with their friends partying and relaxing. They may have their child minded occasionally, but the overall carefree lifestyle of youth has passed away for them.

 

2. They Give Up Their Dreams

Most young girls have dreams for the future, and most of them have not imagine that they would turn out to be single mothers. Perhaps they wanted to go to College, or study art, dancing or acting, but all these dreams are put on hold when they decide to become a single mom.

 

3. They Give up Their Reputation

Being a young single mother means having people look down and be overly critical about the way you discipline your child, what you spend money on and even how you dress them! Yet young moms I’m prepared to face these difficulties the gracious, and many learn to overlook the stares and snide comments that others make about their reputation.

While there may be bad examples out there, the fact is that most young mothers are incredible young women, putting their family and their children’s future before their own, and doing their best against the odds![‘

What are Three Areas a Single Parent Struggles With?

ssingle parent struggles around the worldAs a single parent struggles with bringing up your children are inevitable. You face the same difficulties that other families are confronted with, but you also face a unique set of circumstances because you are doing the job alone! You have no one to share the struggles with as a single, but you also have no one to fight with about how you parent your children.

Here are three of the unique struggles that parents face when they are single, and a few ideas on how to deal with them.

 

1. Applying Discipline:

Disciplining your children is one area you may find difficult, but it’s one of the single parent struggles that you cannot afford to lose! We have a lot of material on our website regarding disciplining children, and the simplest and most effective methods that can positively impact your kids for years.

One of the biggest issue for single parents is consistency, because they are often the only ones applying the discipline. It is normal to get tired and to struggle with consistency, especially if your children are strong-willed, but the best advice I can give is to stand back, view the situation without emotion, and consistently apply the right discipline.

 

2. Lack of Money:

Lack of money is a common struggle for many single parent families. Not only have you lost the income of your former partner, but you have to find a way to work or bring in income by yourself.

Many single parents are holding down several job is to try and come up with the money necessary to allow the family to function properly. Many fall victim to “make money quick” schemes because they are so desperate for money.

While there is no easy solution to this problem, you may need to rein in the type of spending you are doing, on yourself and on your children. Will the buying your kids everything is a common single parent trait, but it places an enormous financial burden especially if you are the sole breadwinner.

 

3. Lack of Time:

One of the biggest struggles you will face when you are parenting alone is time, because you cannot clone yourself! Your kids need your time, but you also have other responsibilities such as cleaning the home, educating your child, bringing an income through the door and having some sort of a social life yourself.

The best way to deal with the time struggles is to find someone who will share the load with you. It might be your mom, a close friend or an expensive day-care program, but the reality is you cannot do everything 100% of the time. In fact, don’t try to be all things to all people because you will fail and also drive yourself nuts!  You need to outsource certain things, and if you have someone close to share the load and free up your time, make sure you invest it in things that will be more profitable for both you and your children.

 

If you are wise and careful you can conquer these three common areas a single parent struggles with, and your children and family reap the rewards long into the future.

What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of Single Parent Families?

advantages and disadvantages of single parent familiesWith so many families today parented by single moms or dads, what are the advantages and disadvantages single parent families, and how can we make them better?

Single parents often worry that their children will somehow be damaged from living in a single parent family. While a single parent family may not be the ideal situation for raising children, many two-parent families are also less than desirable. Kids can actually benefit from living in a single parent family, so here are a few of the advantages and disadvantages of living in a sole parent family.

Disadvantages of Single Parent Families

Some of the key disadvantages of single parent families include…

1. Time:

Many aspects of parenting are far better if two of you were doing them, and things which are timing-based like trips to and from school, after-school sport and recreation things like dance classes or karate are much harder to do as a sole parent than in conjunction with another.

2. Discipline:

Many children are experts at wearing you down, so discipline is often more difficult because the complaints and protests of your children are unrelenting.

3. Working:

If you are working yourself, it is often more difficult to do without some sort of support, especially as you try and work your job situation into your children’s schooling or day-care.

4. Relationships:

Starting a new relationship or dating can be difficult for single moms and dads, with the need for children to be minded and the concern about how the children will bond with the prospective partner.

 

Advantages of Single Parent Families

1. Discipline

Discipline should be easier with two adults, but the reality is that it is often easier with only one especially if the other one fails to agree with the type of discipline involved.

2. Competition

Many times mom and dad are in competition for a child’s affections, but if the other partner is out of the picture or less interested in bringing up the children, a single parent can face no significant competition for their child’s affections.

3. Individual Time

Each of your children need is time alone with you because nothing says I love you like your spending time with them. When you are by yourself, it is a challenge to find time alone with each of your children sufficient to meet the needs, but it’s worth it!

4. Peaceful Atmosphere

Many single parents are in that situation because they have left a family which has looked more like a war zone! While any sort of parenting may be stressful, and may cause friction within the family, friction between mom and dad can often be the most destructive, so one advantage of parenting alone is having a peaceful atmosphere the home.

5. Money

Spending money on the children is often a source of conflict between parents, but when you are alone you do not have to ask your partner’s permission to spend money on your child.

 

The advantages and disadvantages of single parent families that I’ve spoken about here can become a real plus in raising your children if you concentrate on the positives and minimize the negatives.

The Right Way to Parent Teenagers Today

Parent your difficult teenIn our modern world parenting difficult teenagers has come to be increasingly hard , specially because they all have smartphones, Ipads, or computers, and this changes their communicating to friends and parents.

Parenting teens has been tough because they’re experiencing so many changes themselves, and test the limits time and again.  Letting them go crazy by removing those limits could spell tragedy specially in the technology field, which is their prime means of communication.

So here are some ideas on parenting your teenagers in the middle of modern technology…

Use Technology to Communicate

Teenagers communicate via technology today, so you should talk to them in the language they understand, be it texting, Facebook or chat.  Sitting chatting with them often causes them to clam up!

Put Well Defined Limits and Consequences in Place

It is important that you put well defined limits or boundaries in place for your teenager. This can include a curfew of 10 PM or a limit of two hours a day on the web. If they step beyond the boundaries, be sure you have well-defined consequences for this, spelled-out clearly from the start. That way, if they do step out of line you employ the consequences and there can be no arguments, screams or tears since they knew about it well in advance.

Take Emotion Out of Discipline

One of the leading mistakes parents make with difficult teenagers is that they react with emotion to everything that the teen says and does. When you have clearly defined limits and consequences, you can apply these without emotion and quickly take all the screening, cursing and threatening out of the equation. If you’re angry, step back, defuse the emotion within yourself, and apply the consequences.

For more great ideas and techniques check out our website and make a difference even for a troublesome teen.  You will see that parenting difficult teenagers is feasible and even simple if you apply the right advice.

Good Parenting Techniques You Can Use Immediately!

Parenting techniquesWhile there are quite a few good parenting techniques that you can learn, the most necessary thing is to start employing them. You most likely are overwhelmed with many other philosophies and ideas, but being a good parent concerns actually utilizing those tips, and that’s what I want to consider now.

Good parenting takes not simply techniques and theories, so here are three practical tasks you can start doing now that will improve the way you parent your son or daughter.

1.    Spend Time with Your Kids

If you would like to show your kids that you love them, spending time is one of the most important things you can do. Good parenting is about making time for your kids, on their terms instead of yours. So forcing them to go with you shopping is not exactly quality time, but taking them to the movies or their favourite restaurant is.

2.    Know Where They Are

While we’re not promoting stalking your child, as a responsible parent you have to know where your children are, what they are doing and who they are doing it with. Letting your children get out of control is not good parenting.

3.    Screen Their Screens!

Keeping tab on your child screen activity is part of modern parenting. Whether it is the web, on-line games, take sting or DVDs, guarantee that what they are watching and playing fits with your view of life, and limit them to around a couple of hours a day of screen based recreation.

Learning any strategy is useless unless you applied, and in the case of your children it is more significant than ever. We have many methods to give out on our website, and it’s all free, so drop by for good parenting techniques you may apply right now.

How Single Parent Families Can Make It

Single parentingIn our contemporary society you can find more single parent families than before, and while it may be difficult, I feel they can do a good job of bringing up their kids.

There are many important factors which allow single parent families to have success, so if you are parenting as a single mom or dad, here are a couple ideas to help you and your loved ones.

Get Support

We’re not an island, so if you would like your family to really make it make sure that you get support from people surrounding you. It’s generally way too much to ask that your ex is going to be supportive, but you can acquire support from your parents, close friends or relatives who have an active involvement in your family, and love your kids.

Get Training

A lot of people are unaware of the unique pressures you face as a sole parent, including your ex-partner undermining your parenting skills.

Getting some training and the right advice is very important for single parents. Our website has loads of practical parenting ideas and techniques that you can employ with the family immediately.

 

Get Serious

While many single mothers and dads experience lots of drama in their families, the successful ones get seriously interested in parenting, and learn the best techniques. We want to help you to establish the right boundaries, consequences for our actions and anything else you need, so check out the free information that we offer.

With the proper help, advice, ideas and techniques, single parent families can not only make it, but can become successful, powerful and awesome families!

Top Ten Tips of Parenting for Teenagers

Parenting for TeenagersWhen thinking about parenting for teenagers the thoughts can become terrifying.  Teenagers often seem so difficult to parent, and many of the things you might have learned with younger kids seem to lose their power when it comes to parenting.

 

So for all you worried moms and dads, here’s our Top Ten Tips about Parenting for Teenagers

 

Accept that Technology is Communication

 

Parenting for teenagers involves coming to grips with the way they communicate, and these days this means learning some technology.  Many teens won’t talk to you directly, or will do so very reluctantly, but what they will do is text or Facebook, so start texting them to have them share openly with you.

Develop Trust both Ways

Trust is a 2 way street, and if you expect your teen to be true to your trust, you need to make sure you are trustworthy also.   Don’t promise them things you do not deliver, like a weekend away or a new game.

Let them follow their Interests

Teenagers have interests, and while you cannot let these overtake learning for example, encourage them to explore what interests them and to express it.  Many will choose things like dancing, music, art or computer games, and set strict limits as to the time they can do things, but encourage them in it.

Teach them about Money

Managing money is something teenagers need to learn (as do we all!). Teach them early about the value of money, and delayed gratification, and teach them to save.  Also, teach them to budget, even on a small allowance.  These principles will never leave them if you do it correctly.  As well, let them experience the cost of the latest fashions and technologies, don’t just buy things for them.  They will soon learn that chasing fashion is expensive!

Set Limits and Grow Confidence

Setting limits is responsible parenting. Curfews are an important part of parenting them, and believe it or not they actually breed confidence and contentment.  Within the boundaries you set the teen can have complete confidence and freedom, so set boundaries and set consequences before they are crossed.

Monitor Technology

Kids love technology, and hand held devices are so common now, as is social media.  However, you need to make sure that you keep an eye on their social media involvement.  Who are they meeting online, and for what purpose?  Might take a little snooping, but often teenagers are unaware of the dangers that lurk in cyberspace, so monitor it and encourage them to be open about it with you.

Take the Emotion out of Conflict

Your teen is going to let you down at some point.  Be ready for it.  Most importantly, take the emotion out of the situation and show them unconditional love, and you can save the lecture.  Giving them the big lecture achieves exactly zero with most teens, other than the rolling of eyes, so when you dish out the consequences for their actions, do so without emotion.  Avoid the screaming match at all times, because when you scream at each other, you lose.

Fashion Speaks

Teenagers speak via fashion, so while you don’t want to be the fashion police, you still need to take control in this area.  For teenagers, fashion is a way to express the group they belong to, so while you want them to belong to a group that accepts them, you don’t want them in the wrong group (like Goths or death metal)!  So, if you can, exert some control especially when they are younger over what they wear.

The Dating Game

Sex and dating are part of growing up, and your view on the subject is likely to be reflected in your teen.  It is not enough to say, “Don’t do what I do,” you need to model the right behavior in dating. Be very careful of times they spend alone with their peers and while you might encourage dating, don’t place temptation in front of them too often.  Talk openly about sex, and especially about honoring members of the opposite sex.  Tell them you love them regardless of any stupid decisions they might make.

Driving you Mad!

Teenagers gaining a license and starting to drive is a scary time for most parents.  It takes a degree of trust to throw them the keys, but make sure that they also are driving responsibly especially the boys.  You could attach a GPS to their car, or perhaps get them to call in to you at scheduled times.  They need to take responsibility for their actions and any damage done, so help them to accept all sides of driving, the joy and the responsibility,

 

So it is possible to bring your teenagers up with values and respect in the 21st century.  Apply this Top Ten and improve your parenting for teenagers.

Top 5 Mistakes that Stop Singles Having a Good Parent-Child Relationship

It is critical that every family has a good parent-child relationship. But having this relationship involves way more than just being liked by your kids… You ought to be like a teabag, where hot water brings your true color out.

good parent-child relationshipTop 5 Mistakes that Stop Singles Having a Good Parent-Child Relationship

Single mothers and dads produce some classic mistakes in this area, but if you are serious and avoid these pitfalls you could have a good parent-child relationship.

1. Hoping to Be Their Friend

Relating well to your child and staying close to them is brilliant! Having them trust you and share their personal hopes and dreams can also be great. But you must remember, your children need you being a parent not as a friend. They need to admire and respect you, and while you may still relate to them it can’t be as just a friend.

If your youngster decides to spend time with their friends as opposed to you, don’t be hurt. Forcing your friendship on them in the company of their friends won’t be productive. Instead, be trustworthy, close to them and love them, or to put it differently, be a mom or dad not just a friend.

2. Manipulating Them

Singles as a rule especially single mothers are extremely prone to manipulating their children. In a healthy relationship, if you want to have them to do something you simply need to ask truthfully and openly, not manipulate them or use a guilt trip to have the children obey you. You may feel like the process works, but in the grand scheme of things it will return to haunt you and may ruin your entire relationship with your children.

3. Providing Far too much Freedom

A good relationship between a parent and a child needs rules, and these rules will have to be enforced consistently with appropriate outcomes. Giving too much freedom to your child isn’t a way of demonstrating that you care for them, it’s a way of giving them a license to destroy their lives! If you truly love them, you will set clear rules in place and ensure that they’re followed. Giving in to your child’s demands is like asking a drug addict to safeguard a pharmacy.

4. Being Harsh When it Comes to the Minor points

Single parent families, like every other family, will face times of conflict which potentially damage parent-child relationships. Many things are said in anger and regretted later, but you cannot take them back once they have been said! You need to pick your battles, being strong on big issues like sexual behavior and curfews, letting little things like eating vegetables or watching TV slide by.

5. Showing Conditional Love

Giving unconditional love is amongst the greatest things you can offer children. Conditional love is one of the huge killers of relationship, particularly in a single parent home where you might be “in competition” with the Ex for their affections.  However, unconditional love can cover a multitude of sins. The child should be told that you just love them no matter what they do and no matter what they say. So if they’re good and obedient, you love them. If they are naughty, insubordinate, rude or self-centered, you love them just the same… Unconditionally!  You might punish them, but you also need to tell them you love them!
If you can avoid these five mistakes you will have an incredible opportunity to build a good parent-child relationship that will last a lifetime.

The Single Parent Families Lifestyle

single parent familiesThe single parent families lifestyle may be a unique and fascinating one. In shared child custody this runs specifically true, and the children may appear as if they are living a double life.  This lifestyle can be difficult for adults, never mind for a child, so the strains on single parent families and their lifestyle is most often higher than on other families, even though all sides love the kids.

The Duality of the Single Parent Families Lifestyle

Children seem to be living wholly different lives with each of the parents.  But somehow you are required to face and beat this manner of life for your children!

Here I will discuss three areas you possibly can work on to try and minimize the potentially destructive nature of the single parent families lifestyle…

Divide and Conquer

The kids specialty, and especially in messy or nasty divorces.  Youngsters are experts at dividing and conquering the mother and father even in regular families, playing mom off against dad to get what they need.  This is even more extreme for separated parents because of the fact that the parents are already divided!

The solution: You and your ex will need to start communicating on the critical issues.  If you can’t stand each other, it’s time to determine that you love the kids enough to put them first and at least start texting!  If you communicate you can make sure that the kid is not playing one of you off against the other and prevent a tragedy people and unaware couples in your situation face daily!

Disciplining verses Fun

It is possible that one parent might be fun but the other has got to discipline?  This could happen even in marriage or if couples stay together, so how much more for you.  But this method of arrangement is doomed, so again, start conversing with your ex and share both the load and the fun.  You possibly will not love them and the relationship may be over however if you love your offspring you will definitely do it for them!  And if you’re the fun one you could think you are doing well, but in the important issues your kids will turn to the other adult, so watch out for this and share the load!

 Inconsistent Consistency

Again communication is the vital thing.  You’ll want to ensure your rules are consistent between the two households.  The kid ought to know that if they do the same thing in each house the consequences are the same.  Without this the youngsters will run riot in one of the homes.

In all these, the secret is talking with your ex and being united on the larger issues.  Failure to address these will induce you seeing all the bad aspects of the single parent families lifestyle in your sons and daughters as they develop, and who needs that!

Making Single Parent Families Great Families