Category Archives: Parenting Advice

Parenting advice especially for single parents, with op 10 lists of how you can parent your children, and how you can deal with the ex-partner who is not prepared to learn and apply your parenting advice.

How to Have a Good Parent-Child Relationship

a good parent-child relationshipHaving a good parent-child relationship is something everyone strives for, both on the parental side and also on the child’s side. But it involves much more than just being popular with your children, because a truly great a good parent-child relationship is like a teabag… It’s true color comes out when it’s in hot water!

Top 5 Mistakes that Stop Singles Having a Good Parent-Child Relationship

As a single mom or dad it is certainly possible to have a good parent-child relationship, but many single parents make some classic mistakes in this area.

 

1. Trying to Be Their Friend

It is great to love your child and wonderful to relate well to them. It is also great when they share even their most intimate thoughts with you because they trust you. However, your children do not need you as a friend, they need you as a parent. You can still relate well to them, love them and have them trust you, but it cannot be as a friend it needs to be someone they look up to and respect, and that’s what parenting is about.

At some point your teenage son or daughter will choose to be with their friends over you, and that’s okay. The worst thing you can do is to force your friendship on the, especially in the company of their other friends. Love them, be close to them, be absolutely trustworthy, but don’t be a friend be mom or dad.

2. Manipulating Them

Singles in general and particularly single moms are very prone to manipulating their children. In a healthy relationship, if you want them to do something you need to simply ask honestly and openly, not manipulate them or use a guilt trip to have your children obey you. You may feel like the technique works, but in the long run it will come back toward you and can potentially ruin your entire relationship with your children.

3. Giving Them Too Much Freedom

A good parent-child relationship needs to have rules, and these rules need to be enforced consistently with appropriate consequences. Giving excessive freedom to your child is not a way of showing you love them, it’s a way of giving them a licence to destroy their lives. If you truly love them, you will set clear rules in place and make sure that they are adhered to. Asking them what they want to do and giving in to them is a bit like asking an alcoholic to mind your liquor cabinet key.

4. Being Harsh About the Little Things

Single parent families, like any other family, are going to face moments of conflict which potentially can damage a good parent-child relationship. Many things are said in anger and regretted later, but you cannot take them back once they have been said! Therefore, it is wise to pick your battles, taking a positive and immovable stand on big issues like curfews, sexual behavior or respecting others, but being a lot less harsh and “letting things slide a little” when it comes to small issues like mowing the lawn or eating their vegetables.

5. Showing Conditional Love

One of the greatest things you can possibly do to promote a good parent-child relationship is to love them unconditionally. Conditional love is one of the great killers of relationship, especially in a single parent home, but unconditional love can cover a multitude of sins. Your child needs to know that you love them no matter what they do and no matter what they say. So if they are good and obedient, you love them. If they are naughty, disobedient, rude or selfish, you love them just the same… Unconditionally!

 

If you can avoid these five mistakes you will have an incredible opportunity to build a good parent-child relationship that will last a lifetime.

The Single Parent Families Lifestyle

single parent families lifestyleThe single parent families lifestyle is a unique and interesting one. This is especially true in the case of shared custody, because it is almost like the children are living a double life.  This lifestyle is not easy for adults, let alone for a child, so the pressures on single parent families and their lifestyle is often greater than on other families, even if both parties love the kids.

 

The Duality of the Single Parent Families Lifestyle

 

Living completely different lives with mom or dad during the week is taxing on everyone, especially on the child.  Yet it is a lifestyle that has to be faced if you truly love them, and you need to do the best for your child and the family.

 

Here are three areas you can work on to try and minimize the potentially destructive nature of the single parent families lifestyle

 

Divide and Conquer Parents

Kids are great at doing this, especially in a messy or nasty separation situations, and this can be a difficult lifestyle to deal with.  Kids are experts at dividing and conquering the parents even in regular families, playing mom off against dad to get what they want.  This is even more extreme for separated parents because the parents are already divided!

 

The solution: Start communicating with your ex and present a united front on the key issues.  If you can’t stand each other, it’s time to make a decision that you love the kids enough to put them first and at least start texting!  If you communicate you can make sure that the child is not playing one of you off against the other and avoid a tragedy people and unaware couples in your situation face daily!

 

Disciplining verses Fun

Another unique single parent families lifestyle trait is when one just has fun while the other gets the reputation of being the discipline enforcer.  This can happen even in marriage or if couples stay together, so how much more for you.  But type of arrangement is doomed, so again, start talking to your ex and share both the load and the good times.  You may not love them and the relationship may be over but if you love your offspring it is time to do it for them!  And if you are the fun one you may think you are doing well, but in the important issues your son or daughter will turn to the other adult, so beware of this and share the load!

 

 Inconsistent Consistency

Once again communication is the key.  You need to make sure that your rules are consistent between the two households.  They also have to be consistent, so that the child knows if they do something at either house, the consequences will be the same.  If this doesn’t happen, you will find that the kids take advantage of this and run riot at one of the homes.

 

So, communicating with your ex-partner is the key, and forming a united front on the big issues is essential if your kids are to do well in life.  Failure to address these will result in you seeing all the bad aspects of the single parent families lifestyle in your sons and daughters as they grow up, and who wants that!

Top 20 Funny and Profound Quotes on Parenting

quotes on parentingWhile there are many quotes on parenting across the internet, some of them I have found to be either distasteful or inappropriate, and that’s why for our website we have included our own quotes in parenting.   Some are funny, some are profound, but all of them have something that resonates with parents and the sometimes overwhelming task of bringing up children.

 

So here are our favorite Top 20 quotes on parenting

 

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. – P.J. O’Rourke

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. – Anne Frank

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. – Ray Romano

We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future. – President Franklin D. Roosevelt

We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller

We never know the love of the parent till we become parents ourselves. – Henry Ward Beecher

There really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child. – Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year

Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them. – Bill Ayers

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. – Franklin P. Adams

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. – Dorothy Parker

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings. – Brian Tracy

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. – James Baldwin

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erma Bombeck

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

Your children are not your children, they come through you, but they are life itself, wanting to express itself. – Wayne Dyer

To bring up a child in the way he should go – travel that way yourself. – Josh Billings

Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society. – Benjamin Franklin

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. – Bill Cosby

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

Hopefully these quotes on parenting have made you stop what you are doing, step back from life for a moment, laugh a little and realize that parenting is the most important, most challenging and most rewarding job on the planet.  You might laugh a little, but be inspired to become the best parent you can possibly be.

 

And I trust that your parenting has been challenged by these funny and profound quotes on parenting.

How to Parenting Ideas that Work!

how to parentingThere is lots of parenting advice on the internet, but learning how to parenting ideas, ones that you can really use in your situation, is much harder to find.  Facts, figures and opinions abound, but actually finding “how to” information becomes a more difficult prospect.

My Top Ten How to Parenting Ideas

Here is ten of the best how to parenting ideas I have found…

1. Take the Emotion out of Disciplining

When our kids disobey we get angry and this is the worst thing we can do.  A screaming match is a bad way to parent, so one of the best how to parenting ideas is to take the emotion out of the situation, and logically lay out the consequences, without yelling.

2. Make Your Rules Simple

Kids need rules, but they need rules that are easy to understand and simple to follow.  Choose your battles, meaning you choose important rules to be harder on and learn to let some of the little things slide by without comment.

3. Make your Rules Clear

One of the first excuses you will hear from your child is that they did not understand what they did.  Make your rules clear, and tell them before they transgress.  It is not good coming on heavy afterwards if they have misunderstood, so get it right the first time.

4. Make the Rules and their Consequences Consistent

Consistency is the key for how to parenting ideas that work.  You cannot overlook a rule one day and expect to enforce it the next, so make clear rules and stick to the consequences, even if enforcing them is awkward for you.

5. Make Consequences Proportional

Kids often have a sense of justice, so they need to feel that the penalties you set are not only fair, but also are in proportion to the disobedience.  I would always be harder on an out and out rebellious attitude than a child forgetting something or making a mistake.

6. Communication is Important

Communicating is another key to how to parenting.  Learn how to communicate, whether it be by text, taking them out for an ice-cream or going fishing or shopping.  If you want to communicate, speak their same language, and clearly spell out the rules and the consequences.

7. Stand By Them

Your kids need to feel that you are on their side, even if they have done wrong and they know it.  Don’t be a crazy, one eyed parent, but make sure your child knows that you are with them and want the very best for them.

8. Always Use Positive Words

When disciplining children you need to encourage as well.  You might be furious, but always have some word of encouragement, either afterwards or before. Watch what you say carefully because many frustrated moms and dads have deeply hurt their children with words, so think carefully before your speak.

9. Love Them with your Time

Nothing says I love you more than taking time for them.  Put the book or compute down, close out of Facebook and turn off the phone.  Take time out of your busy day to give how to parenting to your child.

10. Unconditionally Love Them, No Matter What!

Your kids need to know that you love them, no matter what they do or say.  Tell them every day, several times a day. They may roll their eyes or shrug it off, but secretly they will love it!

 

Apply these 10 ideas and you can effectively learn “how to parenting” that will make your family closer and keep you close forever!

Top Ten Bad Parenting Habits to Avoid (Part 3)

Bad ParentingHere is the conclusion of your series on Bad Parenting

It has been a fun, tongue in cheek look at bad parenting, but you can learn a lot from looking at how NOT to parent your child.  If you missed the previous installments, click here to Start at the first article.

8. The Screaming Match

Bad parenting most often results in a screaming match. For both parent and child, frustration and stress on the relationship are often expressed by emotions, and the most common emotion is yelling.

Screaming at your child, standing over them or poking your finger at them is rude, demeaning and closes communication with them. It lowers their respect for you and even if you scream but they fall silent, damage is being done which can last a lifetime.

Emotions are part of living in a family, and if you’ve had a particularly stressful day it’s not uncommon to feel like you want to scream. However, if you lose your temper you lose the plot, so take a breath, count to 10 and walk away until you are in control of your emotions.

Once you are calm enough, sit with your child and discuss the issue, focusing on them not on the problem. Allow them to express their emotions, but take a break if they are getting worked up. If you can calmly express the reasons for your decision without it becoming a screaming match then you have achieved a major victory.

Remember, the words you say cannot be retrieved, so take time aside to think and speak rationally and carefully to your child.

9. Criticizing Your Child

Experts tell us that criticism and verbal abuse can, like physical abuse, have a slow and negative affect on the development of children. In older kids it can cause low self-esteem and depression, and leave your kids feeling humiliated and betrayed as they grow up, oftentimes unable to maintain healthy relationships in later life.

Comparisons between siblings are some of the most damaging forms of criticism for developing children. It causes resentment between the kids and a feeling of favouritism which can negatively affect both children.

Public putdowns and shaming them in front of others can be equally as damaging. No one likes to be made to feel like a failure, so emphasizing that failure never causes good and always hurts a child.

Kids fail just like we all do at times. Instead of making negative comments in front of friends, and instead of comparing your children’s strengths and weaknesses, concentrate on building your child up, both publicly and privately.

Try to identify your child’s strengths and qualities that make sure that they feel great about these strengths. If you need to blow off steam about your child’s failings, do it alone to a trusted friend and make sure that they cannot hear you!

10. Too Much of a Good Thing

Most parents want to bless their children, but some feel that giving them everything they want is quite often not a good idea at all.

In our modern world there is a constant flow of new gadgets and fashions that every kid wants, especially as they hit the teenage years. Many parents give their children everything they ask for, and rather than their respect and love they receive venomous anger if they refuse to buy an expensive or inappropriate gadget.

Also, there is a constant stream of activities that your child can be involved in, and if you are not careful every afternoon and evening could be filled with things that your child wants to do, from tennis lessons to Karate, from guitar lessons to dance classes. Over-scheduling is a clear and present danger for the modern parent, and while the child might enjoy these activities, eventually they can give rise to tiredness, depression, headaches and declining grades.

Bad parenting gives children everything they want and finishes with miserable kids, but good parenting will choose selected activities and fashions and grant only these requests. Once again, parenting in the right way is a balancing act and wisdom and experience are your our allies.

As long as mankind has existed bad parenting has also existed. It is not an easy business trying to raise children and help them develop into successful adults, but it is among the most satisfying things you will ever do in life.

If you apply these principles and avoid these bad parenting habits, you can not only see your children mature as wonderful as successful adults, but you can also enjoy the journey with them year by year.

Single Parenting Facts

Single Parenting FactsThese single parenting facts give some insight into how single parents live, and how they cope with the complex and often overwhelming task of parenting as a single mom or dad.

Although raw facts do not convey any of the struggle or emotion of being a single parent, they can give us an insight into some of the stereotypical caricatures that have been created concerning especially single moms.  This information provides a timely insight into single parenting and how both moms and dads cope with being single and raising children.

The US Census Bureau provided these single parenting facts, and they are current as of November 2009.

  • There are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States, and they are responsible for raising around 28.1 million children, which represents 26% of all children in the United States under the age of 21 years old.
  • Around 84% of custodial single parents are mothers and 16% are fathers.  Of the mothers, 45% are currently divorced or separated, while 34.2% have never married at all.  Of the men, 57.8% are divorced or separated and 34.2% have never married.
  • Surprisingly 79.5% of single moms who have their children are employed, 49.8% of them full time.  For single dads who have their children, 90% are gainfully employed.
  • Another interesting single parenting fact is that only 27% of single mothers and 12.9% or single dads live in poverty.
  • Although many picture single moms as young, these single parenting facts reveal that 39.1% are in fact over the age of 40.
  • Typically a single mom is raising one child, with 54% of custodial moms raising one child from the separated parent, while 46% have two or more children with them full time.

Being a single parent is never easy, as these single parenting fact bear witness, but we should be encouraged that the typical image of single parenthood, being a young, irresponsible girl on welfare, is simply not true.

What is true is that many single parents are older, and single parent families are usually the result of marriage or relationship breakdown, not irresponsibility.  According to these facts, typically single parents are older and hold down full time jobs.  They are often successful and able to provide for their children without the help of welfare, and do a pretty good job of it too!

So if you are a single mom or dad, don’t be discouraged and don’t feel alienated because, as these single parenting facts show, you are part of a huge group of single moms and dads who can make a life for their kids!

Funny Parenting Advice- The Top Ten Laws of Parenting

funny parenting adviceI have lots of funny parenting advice, mainly because I am a funny parent!  I mean, life is funny, and parenting, for all its difficulties, stresses and dramas, is also funny, especially if you step back and have a good hard look at it.

So that has given rise to the Top Ten Laws of Funny Parenting Advice!

They might be funny, but you will also find that they are true for most families!

If you are a stressed out single parent, or overworked working mom, grab a cup of coffee, grab a few minutes alone and enjoy some sensible yet funny parenting advice.  Quick, while you can before the kids wake up!

  1. In any group of children, if one child is going to behave badly, it will always be yours.  If several are going to act out, yours will always be among them.
  2. If there is a choice between a cheap item and an expensive one, your kid will always want the more expensive one.  In fact, they will often want two of them.
  3. The longer you spend cooking for your child, the less they will like the result.  This is a scientific fact, and ranges from hours spent preparing healthy food (which they hate) to party pies, which are ready in minutes (which they love).  The ultimate expression of this is fast food, and we all know how much kids love that!
  4. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will get up the next morning.  This especially applies to single parents who have been out on a date the night before.
  5. The messier the food, the greater then chance it will finish up on the carpet.  Similarly, the more expensive the carpet, the greater then chance it will finish there, and the less likely you will be to remove it with Carpet Cleaner.
  6. Backing out of the driveway immediately causes one of your children to need to go to the bathroom.
  7. Toys multiply to fill the entire floor area of any room or cupboard. Strangely a child can decrease this if they need to clean their room and they are trying to fit the toys under their bed.
  8. Children cry and throw tantrums louder in areas designated by society as quiet, such as a library or doctor’s office. Conversely, they never cry when there is lots of noise around, like a football match or McDonald’s.
  9. The best and most guaranteed way to make a child do something is to forbid them to do it.  They just can’t help themselves, can they?
  10. The more stubborn, selfish and difficult a child is to raise, the greater the satisfaction… well, you keep telling yourself this!

So there is out Top Ten Laws of Parenting.  Don’t worry, we also have sensible lists all over this site, but we know sometimes you just need a laugh or two.  So for sensible advice as opposed to funny parenting advice, check around the rest of our website.

Top Ten Bad Parenting Habits to Avoid (Part 2)

Bad ParentingThis is the second article in our Bad Parenting series!

If you missed the previous article, the first 4 points in our Top Ten, Click here to read it now.

4. Love if, Love Because

If you really want to show your children bad parenting, try offering them conditional love.  This is a love for them that appears only when they are good or have done something to please you, and it disappears when they have done something to displease you.  So if they are naughty they feel unloved.  It they fail, they feel unloved.  If they are good or well behaved they feel loved.  You get the drift?

What you really want to give them is unconditional love, and take every opportunity to show them this unconditional love.  This is a love that exists regardless of what they do or say.  They cannot be bad enough to lose it.  They can’t act out or swear at you or even hit you enough to stop this love from being demonstrated.  It is unconditional, and it is yours to give!

Even when you discipline, it must be done in this unconditional love.  They are punished, for example sent to their room.  But when you place them there, say you love them, hug them, but still be strong enough to follow through with the penalty.  Afterwards, hug them and love them to pieces!

Many adults bear the scars of never being good enough for their parents, and it often stays with them their whole life, and affects how they relate to others and even their own children.  The cure is unconditional love, so give it and do so liberally!

 5. Always Letting Kids Have their Own way

Most children are master negotiators, and they tend to start this very early in their development. If you are in a public place, they will recognize that they had a strong negotiating tool in their behavior, and they will often use this to get their own way.

There are times when, despite your child’s behavior, you must remain firm and strong. They may pout, they may scream or they may even hit, but if you give in to them all the time you will be creating a rod for your own back in the long term.

Your children need to understand that if they ask for something and you say, “No”, this means no, not ask 100 times more. If the short answer is no, the long answer needs to be, “Absolutely no!” regardless of how much pressure they try to place you under.

6. Failing to Follow Through

One of the most frequent example of bad parenting isn’t failing to follow through. When you set limits for your child, you need to recognize that at some point they will test those limits, and this is when you need to follow through with the penalty for their behavior.

Many parents set limits for their children but think that, rather than punishing their kids, it is easier to avoid a fight or the child’s attempt to punish the parents by giving in. Yet failing to enforce the consequences of bad behavior makes your child see you as easily manipulated and unreliable.

Consistency is an important part of good parenting, and threatening consequences for bad behavior is useless unless you follow through on the threat. So if you tell a child that they will not get a treat, you must not give in to them by giving them to treat despite their behaviour. If you do this, you are reinforcing bad behavior and ruining their respect for your authority.

We should mention that it is foolishness to attach an unrealistic consequence to a child’s action. If you are not prepared to follow through with the consequences, don’t threaten the child with it. Saying to a child, “If you do that again I will kill you,” is bad parenting at its worst.

 7. Being a Slave

Many parents feel like they are becoming slaves to their children, especially as the children grow up into the teenage years. Sometimes moms find that it is easier to do a child’s chores for them rather than put up with the fights and the frustration of constant delaying tactics.

From an early age children should learn that they can be trusted with small tasks, such as cleaning their toys away or folding napkins. These small actions give children a sense of responsibility and also build self-esteem, making them feel like they have a place of importance within the family.

Chores are not punishment; They are part of being in the family. So don’t feel guilty about asking your child to do chores.  Also, don’t allow your child to procrastinate and never enter into a screaming match with them, because both of these are counterproductive for their development and your sanity.

Instead, attach a consequence for failing to do a chore, and make sure you follow through with it.

There’s more to come, so to continue reading about Bad Habits to avoid, click here Now!

 

Parenting Techniques for Single Moms

Parenting techniquesParenting techniques are an important part of effectively bringing up your child, and this is especially true for the single mom. 

Without a partner to help share the load, make the decisions and set out the boundaries for the children, you need to make sure that you are employing the right parenting techniques in the right way, and that you stand firm on these even if your ex is undermining your parenting techniques.

Here’s some practical parenting techniques you can start using today

1.    Love your Kids Unconditionally

They need to know that their position in your affections is unchanged by any disobedience or disappointments.  They are the center of your world no matter what, and even as you discipline them they need to have total confidence that you love them unconditionally, no matter what!

2.    Ask for Help

In poor countries a whole village bring up a child, and so it is with us.  Don’t be so proud as to not ask for help, especially from close family members or close friends.  If none will help you, make sure you enroll your kids in day care or after school to give you a much needed break.

3.    Don’t Play the Bribery Game

Divorce usually leads to the ex trying to buy the love of your kids, and you must not be drawn into a bribery match.  You might feel like the bad cop, but giving the child more and more will undermine their moral development.  Talk to your ex and see if they will listen and help parent the children.  If they won’t, ask your support to help and make sure even if you are not the Santa Clause, that your child still feels loved.

4.    Set Firm Boundaries

Kids need limits.  They need to know where these limits are, and what happens if they step over them.  Boundaries provide security within which kids experience peace and freedom, so don’t be afraid to set reasonable boundaries.  Make sure they are on important things, not trivial ones.

5.    Follow Through with Consequences

A classic single mom mistake is to threaten consequences and not follow through, especially in public where fear of criticism governs our response to disobedience.  If you set a penalty and the children commit the offense, do what you have promised!

6.    Listen to Your Kids

Take time out of your day to sit alone with each child and listen to them.  Your ex probably doesn’t do this, so it will mean a lot to your child.  I like to take each child to a local McDonalds and have an ice-cream and half an hours chat.  They love it!

7.    Don’t Give Up!

Whatever you do, however you feel, one of the best parenting techniques is to not give up!  Keep going, even if things are hard, and even if your children say cruel things to you. I know it hurts, but they sometimes lash out when they are mad, just like you sometimes do.  the problem is, you cannot take the words back once you have said them!

So keep loving them, keep disciplining them, keep being strong for them and most importantly, keep learning and consistently applying new parenting techniques.

Being a Good Parent as a Single

 

Being a good parent as a single mom or dad is possible and achievable.  It is certainly a harder ask than attempting this as part of a couple, but many would argue rightly that parenting alone is better than parenting with the wrong partner, or in an abusive relationship.

 

Being a Good Parent takes more than Just Love!

 

As a single parent I am sure that you love your children, but being a good parent is far more than that. In my charity running a home for young mothers, I have seen loads of girls who love their kids but cannot parent them properly, even to the point where the government removes them and places them in foster care.  Lots of love, sure, but no parenting skills!

 

Beyond loving your children being a good parent means making some tough choices and providing real leadership in the home, even as a single parent.  It means learning our Top 10 parenting skills, and applying them consistently. And consistently is the key word!

 

As a single parent you may not have someone with which to share the parenting load, discuss the situations you face or be there for you when you need help or a break.  If you lack a partner, I urge you to find someone else who can help, such as your mother, a close friend or an organization like the one I run, which is called Lily House.

 

You may feel that you would like to stand on your own, but trust me, even if you don’t work full or part time, you still can benefit from support.  If you don’t have someone close to you, you can pay for things like child care or after school support.

 

Sometimes being a good parent is about asking for help rather than continuing to do what you are doing and facing failure or collapse. It’s about being strong for your children and being a leader, rather than having them control you and your reactions.  It’s about acting with your kids instead of reacting. Good parenting is about good decisions you can make in the easy times that you stick to when the pressure is on.

 

Learning how to parent is very achievable for single moms and dads.  The pressure may be on to compromise, especially if you share custody, because chances are your ex is not going to parent in the same style as you do.  Nevertheless, if you do the right things in the long run your children will thank you for it.

 

Is Being a Good Parent about Being a Policeman?

 

Sometimes yes, you will have to make unpopular decision, and when your ex gets to have the fun times and you get to do the disciplining, is can be a difficult position.

 

That’s when you need to show unconditional love, as well as firm rules, and it may be the right time to talk to your ex about coordinating your efforts for the good of your child.  If bringing up your child degrades into a game of ‘who can give the biggest bribe’, then your child might think they are winning, but they will ultimately lose.

 

Read our Top 10 parenting skills and apply them with genuine love.  You will discover than being a good parent is more than just love, and that even as a single parent, you can do this successfully for your child.

Is My Bad Parenting Damaging My Child?

Avoiding Parenting BadlyIf you are asking yourself if bad parenting has damaged your children, chances are you are feeling guilty about decisions you have made or discipline you have failed to apply. Your judgment of whether your methods as a parent are effective or not may depend more on what others have said to you rather than on your own assessment or how your kids actually feel.

Studies have shown that poor parents can damage the mental development of children and can have long-lasting effects throughout their life. However, there are many adults who have been parented badly in their early years, yet have grown to be productive and successful members of society.  Many of these people have had to work extra hard to overcome their parent’s mistakes, but they have done it and turned their lives around.

What Types of Actions can be Categorized as Bad Parenting?

Here’s a few of the most damaging parenting traits, so see if you find yourself doing these things regularly…

1. Inconsistency

One of the most damaging things you can do to your children is to be inconsistent. When you are inconsistent they live with the uncertainty of how you will react to their actions. One day they will do something naughty and you will laugh at them, but the next day you will react angrily and punish them. This confuses a child and blurs the lines of rules you have set, because they don’t understand why you change so readily.

Another area of inconsistency can often be in the consequences children receive. Even if you consistently punish something, you need to be consistent in the penalty. It is no good punishing them sometimes by sending them to their room, when another time they do the same thing you withhold their favorite candy. Learn to be consistent in your discipline, and avoid long term problems in parenting a child.

2. Conditional Love

Many children feel their parents only love them if they are well behaved or doing things to please them, and this damaging feeling can stay with the child throughout their life.

Your child needs to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them, no matter what they do.  You might get angry at them, you might be disappointed, but they have to know that your love is beyond question.

 

Bringing up a child is never easy and the fact is that, even as a loving, caring parent, you are going to make mistakes because on one is perfect and there are always more skills that you can learn.  Yet you are still the best chance your child has of growing up and being a successful member of society, so don’t concentrate on the mistakes but instead, make the time to concentrate on consistently improving your skills as a parent. Listen to them, show them appreciation when their behaviour is especially good, and watch your kids develop into adults you will enjoy your entire life.