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Top Ten Bad Parenting Habits to Avoid (Part 2)

Bad ParentingThis is the second article in our Bad Parenting series!

If you missed the previous article, the first 4 points in our Top Ten, Click here to read it now.

4. Love if, Love Because

If you really want to show your children bad parenting, try offering them conditional love.  This is a love for them that appears only when they are good or have done something to please you, and it disappears when they have done something to displease you.  So if they are naughty they feel unloved.  It they fail, they feel unloved.  If they are good or well behaved they feel loved.  You get the drift?

What you really want to give them is unconditional love, and take every opportunity to show them this unconditional love.  This is a love that exists regardless of what they do or say.  They cannot be bad enough to lose it.  They can’t act out or swear at you or even hit you enough to stop this love from being demonstrated.  It is unconditional, and it is yours to give!

Even when you discipline, it must be done in this unconditional love.  They are punished, for example sent to their room.  But when you place them there, say you love them, hug them, but still be strong enough to follow through with the penalty.  Afterwards, hug them and love them to pieces!

Many adults bear the scars of never being good enough for their parents, and it often stays with them their whole life, and affects how they relate to others and even their own children.  The cure is unconditional love, so give it and do so liberally!

 5. Always Letting Kids Have their Own way

Most children are master negotiators, and they tend to start this very early in their development. If you are in a public place, they will recognize that they had a strong negotiating tool in their behavior, and they will often use this to get their own way.

There are times when, despite your child’s behavior, you must remain firm and strong. They may pout, they may scream or they may even hit, but if you give in to them all the time you will be creating a rod for your own back in the long term.

Your children need to understand that if they ask for something and you say, “No”, this means no, not ask 100 times more. If the short answer is no, the long answer needs to be, “Absolutely no!” regardless of how much pressure they try to place you under.

6. Failing to Follow Through

One of the most frequent example of bad parenting isn’t failing to follow through. When you set limits for your child, you need to recognize that at some point they will test those limits, and this is when you need to follow through with the penalty for their behavior.

Many parents set limits for their children but think that, rather than punishing their kids, it is easier to avoid a fight or the child’s attempt to punish the parents by giving in. Yet failing to enforce the consequences of bad behavior makes your child see you as easily manipulated and unreliable.

Consistency is an important part of good parenting, and threatening consequences for bad behavior is useless unless you follow through on the threat. So if you tell a child that they will not get a treat, you must not give in to them by giving them to treat despite their behaviour. If you do this, you are reinforcing bad behavior and ruining their respect for your authority.

We should mention that it is foolishness to attach an unrealistic consequence to a child’s action. If you are not prepared to follow through with the consequences, don’t threaten the child with it. Saying to a child, “If you do that again I will kill you,” is bad parenting at its worst.

 7. Being a Slave

Many parents feel like they are becoming slaves to their children, especially as the children grow up into the teenage years. Sometimes moms find that it is easier to do a child’s chores for them rather than put up with the fights and the frustration of constant delaying tactics.

From an early age children should learn that they can be trusted with small tasks, such as cleaning their toys away or folding napkins. These small actions give children a sense of responsibility and also build self-esteem, making them feel like they have a place of importance within the family.

Chores are not punishment; They are part of being in the family. So don’t feel guilty about asking your child to do chores.  Also, don’t allow your child to procrastinate and never enter into a screaming match with them, because both of these are counterproductive for their development and your sanity.

Instead, attach a consequence for failing to do a chore, and make sure you follow through with it.

There’s more to come, so to continue reading about Bad Habits to avoid, click here Now!

 

About Julie

Julie is a single mother who understands how hard it is to make it as a single parent. Single parent families can be challenging, but then they also can be incredibly rewarding and satisfying. Julie hopes to use her understanding of the special needs of singles to help them become wonderful, supportive and ultimately successful for both the parents and the children.

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