In a perfect world children and divorce would never be linked together. But we do not live in a perfect world, and with so many marriage and family breakdowns and single parent families out there, very often children and divorce are wrapped up together, to the detriment of both the parent and the child.
We would like to think that every marriage was made in heaven and never needs help, but the fact is people change, relationships change and unfortunately divorce is the by-product of this. If you have experienced this you will know the emotional trauma and drama that separation can bring, but this can be magnified when it comes to kids.
Bringing the Best Out of Parents, Children and Divorce!
It is possible to bring the best out of both the parent and the child through a marriage separation, but it often takes both parents working extra hard to make this happen. The most important thing is that, despite how nasty or difficult the separation may be, that both parties continue to communicate with each other effectively and civilly, especially with regards anything that concerns the kids.
Communication is the key! You need to communicate with your ex-about important matters like how to discipline your children, when to discipline them and the rules of the family. It is no good if they are punished for something in one family while in the other it is completely overlooked all laughed off.
It is also important with how you relate to your children. You need to sit and talk to them about the family situation and the divorce, alerting them to what to expect, what visitation rights will be involved and continually reiterating that it is not their fault. The kids need to know that the breakdown in the relationship of the parents is not there fault!
They also need to understand what is happening, so the worst thing you can do is to hide the marriage situation in an effort to protect your children. Most kids of any age understand if things are explained to them properly, so don’t be frightened to talk to your child about what is going on, what you are feeling and what they can expect from the coming weeks, months and years.
If you are going through a divorce the children need to recognise that they are a positive part of a very negative situation, that they are a jewel in your crown rather than a pain in your neck! Whatever age they are, talk to them, explain things to them and even ask their opinion on how certain aspects of the household can be managed through this experience. This makes them feel that they are an important part of the decision-making even if they cannot control the major decision of your getting divorced.
Kids can survive a marriage breakup, and while many may be adversely affected, with the right counseling and care many also grow through it to lead productive and successful lives themselves. Take a positive attitude, and keep on believing that while children and divorce may not be the ideal situation, they can survive it well with your counseling, help and support.