Tag Archives: parenting skills

Top Ten Ways of Facing Parenting Issues with Children

parenting issues with childrenIf you are facing parenting issues with children you probably need to stop, take a good look at yourself and how you manage the children, and see if you are making wise decisions.

 

Hindsight is always 20/20 vision and this is especially true for parenting issues with children.  It is easier to look back on a situation with your kids and know exactly what you should have said and should not have said, but in the heat of the moment parenting becomes a much more difficult issue!

 

If you are facing parenting issues with your children, think about these ideas…

 

1. Talk to Them

Make sure you keep lines of communication open.  Talking to your kids can make all the difference, especially when explaining the reasons for disciplining them.

 

2. Be Strong

When you make a parenting decision, don’t be easily swayed by complaints from your child.  If you make a decision, consult them but in the long run your decision should stand.

 

3. Big Them Up

Make sure you speak positive words to your children, especially in front of others.  Never complain about them to others in their presence because it is embarrassing and will build resentment to your parenting.

 

4. Be Fair

In all parenting issues with children you need to be perceived as fair, not unreasonable or petty.

 

5. Make Consequences Just

Make sure that the consequences for disobedience are just and in proportion to the offence.  Consequences should also alight with the offence, so staying out after curfew for example is best deal with by grounding for a week rather than the removal of another privilege.

 

6. Be Consistent

The biggest issue parenting children is in the area of consistency.  You need to follow through every single time, even if applying the consequences is inconvenient or upsetting to you.  Your consequences must not be dependent on your moods or other factors.

 

7. Never Play Favorites

Favoring one child above another splits families and one of the parenting issues with children that can cause damage for the whole of a child’s life.  Treat all of your children the same and do not play favourites, even though you may find one child a lot easier to handle than the other.

 

8. Let Unimportant Things Slide

I strongly suggest that you let some small things go unpunished rather than reinforce the view that you are a petty parent.  Failing to rinse a plate should not be made a huge issue, but staying out late or lying should be deal with.

 

9. Be Unemotional

A huge parenting key is to take emotion right out of your parenting.  You should never scream, yell or lose your temper.  If an issue has been raised, deal with it without emotion or visible anger.  You did it, this is the consequence, that’s the end of it.

 

10. Show Unconditional Love

Whatever your child does, good or bad, they need to know that your love for them is independent of what they do or say.  Your love must be unconditional and absolute, and nothing they do will make your love decrease!

 

If you apply the principles discussed in this Top Ten you will be well on your way to becoming an awesome parent for your children.  If you slowly grow in knowledge and wisdom you can face parenting issues with children with courage and confidence.

Top Ten Positive Parenting Skills for the Single Parent

positive parenting skillsThe power of positive parenting skills is the power of being able to influence the life of your child for good, and for ever.  It believes that, despite the challenges of parenting, the journey can be fun and fulfilling, and that you can discipline your children in loving and positive ways. It is the ability as a single parent to fulfill both mom and dad roles, and to influence your children to help them become successful, happy and well-adjusted adults one day.

 

The Difficulty of Positive Parenting Skills for the Single Parent

 

As a single parent, one of the great difficulties you face in applying positive parenting skills is the lack of consistency, especially if the children visit with your ex.  You have little control over what they teach, how they teach them or the standards they apply to them.

 

You also have little or no control over the way they speak to the children.  If your ex is miserable or depressed, they may be tearing the kids down every other weekend, while you are madly trying to be positive and speak uplifting words to them.

 

This makes the task of parenting more difficult but not impossible.  But if this is the case with your ex-partner, you must remain positive and loving for your children as they grow and develop.  Here are some suggestions on how you can develop your own positive parenting skills to harness the power for your single parent family.

 1. Get Support

Don’t try to do everything on your own!  Gather close family or friends, or reach out to a support group.  If you cannot find these, pay for childcare or after school care, but get some sort of support to help share the time demands and emotional load.

1. Talk to your Ex

If you can share your desire for positive parenting with the ex, and if you can continue to communicate civilly with them, it is better for the children.  I know it might be awkward, but put the kids first and try and coordinate discipline and care, presenting as united a front as you can for your children and being consistent regardless of whose home they are in.

2. Defuse the Damage your Ex Creates

Sometimes your ex will want to use the children to attack you.  Sometimes they will keep speaking negatively to the kids.  You need to first understand what has been said, then defuse it as lovingly as possible.

3. Don’t Overly Criticize your Ex

It’s tempting I know, but try to always speak kindly and positively about your ex-partner, even if they speak badly of you.  As kids grow they will see who the positive one is and gravitate where they are loved demonstratively.

4. Provide a Substitute Role Model

If the ex is being difficult, try to find an alternative role model for the kids.  Grandparents work really well for this, as can close friends, but I would caution trying to make a new boyfriend or girlfriend fill this role.  The emotional attachments, and the threat they pose to your ex-partner, can definitely be counterproductive!

5. Act, Don’t React

When you discipline your children, clearly set out a limit and the consequences and follow through with them, every time.  Make it a definite action, and take all the emotion out of it.  Try not to be reactive, because when you react to what they have done it is very emotional, often negative and frequently damaging.  Take the emotion out and act definitively.

6. Lose Your Temper and You Lose

Losing your temper is not positive parenting.  When you lose your temper you lose the game, so don’t let the kids drive you to doing it!  Step back, take a break, walk away, then deliver the consequences without the emotion.

7. Invest Time into your Children

Nothing says I love you like giving your children your valuable time.  Sit with them, take them out for breakfast, play games with them, cry with them.  They need your undivided attention more than they need a new Ipod or computer game.

8. Always Speak Positive Words

You control what you say and how you say it.  Love them with your speech, encourage them and always be positive, even when bad things happen to you.  Remember, they are watching you and will learn from you and even mimic how you react, so stay positive!

9. Be There For Them

There is unbelievable comfort for them know that, whatever they have done, however stupid, you are always there for them.  Even if it means hardship or loss for you, your family is worth it, so encourage them and stand with them whatever comes their way.

10. Be Open about the Situation

Your children want to know what is happening in your relationship with your ex-partner.  Keep them informed, although not of the negatives or the gritty detail, but make them feel part of what is happening.  Make it clear that they were not the cause of the separation, and that they cannot change your mind and heal the relationship.  Love them, talk to them but don’t give them hope of restoration that isn’t there!

 

As a single parent, if you apply the above principles, you can learn positive parenting skills and transform your children’s lives as they grow and develop.

Parenting Skills 101 for Dummies

101 slikks for parentingParenting skills 101 refers to the basics of being parents, and you might think that most people know the basics.  However, in the heat of the moment even the basic knowledge we have about good parenting can go out the window, so whether you are a new or experienced parent, going over the basics is always going to be a good idea!

With this in mind, here’s a Top Ten that you will do well to go over once again.

The Top 10 Parenting Skills 101

 

1.    Provide Unconditional Love
Loving your children is easy when they are good and a bit harder when they are disobedient, stubborn or badly behaved.  Yet if the kids know your affection is independent of their failings they will feel secure and strangely, their behavior will often improve.
2.    Be a Leader
Children don’t need you to be a friend or a buddy, and they certainly don’t need to parent you!  What they need from you, especially early in life, is for you to lead, direct and guide them, so step up to the mark and be a true, decisive yet loving leader for your children.
3.    Provide Structure
You might be a free spirit, and you might want that for your children, but kids need and even crave structure.  They need to know what is right and what is wrong, so set this out clearly for them and let them learn from their mistakes.  Our society functions on rules, and they need to learn them to be a part of our society. In the same way that you need road rules to drive effectively, so you need life rules to live effectively. Within that structure their freedom will blossom.
4.    Teach Them Consequences
Children need to know that whatever they do, good or bad, there are consequences.  Many troubled teenagers fail to grasp that cause and effect are part of life and there are always consequences for our mistakes!  Failure to grasp this leads to lawlessness, defiance and self-pity (how can this happen to me!), so wise parents make their kids learn about the consequences of their actions before they commit the act.
5.    Teach Them Self-Discipline
Discipline is not an evil word, it’s an effective time of training that can help your kids learn.  A successful life will always involve discipline.  Just ask any elite sportsman or successful businessman!  As children, they cannot be expected to discipline themselves so you must apply that discipline when they are young, so they can learn to discipline themselves as they grow older.
6.    Teach Them to Take Responsibility
The blame game is common among people today and well-meaning counselors, courts and social workers inadvertently add to this.  Yes our upbringing, the way we were parented and life experiences can affect us deeply, but there comes a point when we must take responsibility for our actions, and you can start to teach children this early in life.
7.    R.E.S.P.E.C.T!  
Aretha Franklin sang it first, but it still applies. We should be teaching a child respect, both for themselves, their body and their mind, and especially for others.  Authorities should be respected, elders should be respected and especially, you as a parent must be respected.
8.    Use Kind Words
Many parents speak harshly with their children, and this should not be the case.  You should encourage and build your child up, in their successes and especially their failures.
9.    Bribes or Rewards
So many parents fail Parenting class 101 because they constantly try to bribe their children to improve behavior.  Rewards for obedience, effort and respect need to be carefully considered, so that the real reward is a job well done not the physical bribe. Buying the latest in fashion or technology is not always appropriate, and giving the child a reward after they ‘eventually’ do what you want is counterproductive.
10.    Care for Others
You don’t need to teach a child to put themselves first or be selfish, they figure that out themselves.  You do need to teach them care for others.  They need to be taught how to share, how to love the unlovely and how to have humility, self-control, patience, kindness and consideration for others.

Good parenting starts with love, unconditional love, the type of love that does not change with the obedience of the child.

Master this Top Ten and you will surely have mastered Parenting Skills 101!