Category Archives: What is Good Parenting?

What is good parenting and how can you achieve it as a single parent? These tips will not only give you an understanding of what is good parenting but also lay out steps you can take to achieve it!

Dealing with Blended Family Problems

dealing with blended family problemsYou may be in love with your partner, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t face blended family problems. Your marriage may be heaven, but the step kids can make it hell, so here are some thoughts about how you can conquer blended family problems and have a peaceful, happy home.

The Problem in Blended Families

One woman said, “I love my husband, but wish I could divorce his kids!” This sums up how many step parents feel, and especially how they feel used and abused by their step children. Trying to parent kids in blended families can produce real problems and conflict, even between a loving couple because the birth father often tries to appease his children by taking their side against his new partner.

You need to recognize that step families are born of loss. Often the remarried couple forget this, but the kids don’t! Also, step parents and step children do not necessarily love each other, especially if the kids are being influenced by the other biological parent.

Step kids often feel pushed out of the parent-child relationship they once had with their biological parent, as can react against the new step parent.

In addition, conflict over parenting styles can be huge! Spouses must talk to each other like a couple, while parents need to talk like parents to the children.

Tips for solving Blended Family Problems

1. Put yourself in the stepchild’s place. They didn’t ask for the divorce or death, and they didn’t ask for you to come on the scene.

2. Make your marriage your number one priority. Seeing a strong, stable marriage can be great for kids who have been through a failed parent relationship

3. Be gracious, even when you try to be firm. Often it is the way you deliver discipline which hurts them the most.

4. Always speak kind and positive words about your spouse in front of the children.

5. Do not contradict your spouse in front of the children.

6. Only say positive things about your spouse’s ex-partner, no matter what you think of them

7. Allow your partner to take the lead in disciplining their children.

8. Seek counseling for problems as they arise, rather than letting things slide to the point where emotions and consequences are running high!

You Can Overcome Blended Family Problems

Blended family problems aren’t new, they have been around as long as families themselves. However, if you are wise about how you relate to your stepchildren, you can make your home a happy and productive place and you can not only learn to live with but discover how to overcome most blended family problems.

Good Parenting Techniques You Can Use Immediately!

Parenting techniquesWhile there are quite a few good parenting techniques that you can learn, the most necessary thing is to start employing them. You most likely are overwhelmed with many other philosophies and ideas, but being a good parent concerns actually utilizing those tips, and that’s what I want to consider now.

Good parenting takes not simply techniques and theories, so here are three practical tasks you can start doing now that will improve the way you parent your son or daughter.

1.    Spend Time with Your Kids

If you would like to show your kids that you love them, spending time is one of the most important things you can do. Good parenting is about making time for your kids, on their terms instead of yours. So forcing them to go with you shopping is not exactly quality time, but taking them to the movies or their favourite restaurant is.

2.    Know Where They Are

While we’re not promoting stalking your child, as a responsible parent you have to know where your children are, what they are doing and who they are doing it with. Letting your children get out of control is not good parenting.

3.    Screen Their Screens!

Keeping tab on your child screen activity is part of modern parenting. Whether it is the web, on-line games, take sting or DVDs, guarantee that what they are watching and playing fits with your view of life, and limit them to around a couple of hours a day of screen based recreation.

Learning any strategy is useless unless you applied, and in the case of your children it is more significant than ever. We have many methods to give out on our website, and it’s all free, so drop by for good parenting techniques you may apply right now.

Top 5 Mistakes that Stop Singles Having a Good Parent-Child Relationship

It is critical that every family has a good parent-child relationship. But having this relationship involves way more than just being liked by your kids… You ought to be like a teabag, where hot water brings your true color out.

good parent-child relationshipTop 5 Mistakes that Stop Singles Having a Good Parent-Child Relationship

Single mothers and dads produce some classic mistakes in this area, but if you are serious and avoid these pitfalls you could have a good parent-child relationship.

1. Hoping to Be Their Friend

Relating well to your child and staying close to them is brilliant! Having them trust you and share their personal hopes and dreams can also be great. But you must remember, your children need you being a parent not as a friend. They need to admire and respect you, and while you may still relate to them it can’t be as just a friend.

If your youngster decides to spend time with their friends as opposed to you, don’t be hurt. Forcing your friendship on them in the company of their friends won’t be productive. Instead, be trustworthy, close to them and love them, or to put it differently, be a mom or dad not just a friend.

2. Manipulating Them

Singles as a rule especially single mothers are extremely prone to manipulating their children. In a healthy relationship, if you want to have them to do something you simply need to ask truthfully and openly, not manipulate them or use a guilt trip to have the children obey you. You may feel like the process works, but in the grand scheme of things it will return to haunt you and may ruin your entire relationship with your children.

3. Providing Far too much Freedom

A good relationship between a parent and a child needs rules, and these rules will have to be enforced consistently with appropriate outcomes. Giving too much freedom to your child isn’t a way of demonstrating that you care for them, it’s a way of giving them a license to destroy their lives! If you truly love them, you will set clear rules in place and ensure that they’re followed. Giving in to your child’s demands is like asking a drug addict to safeguard a pharmacy.

4. Being Harsh When it Comes to the Minor points

Single parent families, like every other family, will face times of conflict which potentially damage parent-child relationships. Many things are said in anger and regretted later, but you cannot take them back once they have been said! You need to pick your battles, being strong on big issues like sexual behavior and curfews, letting little things like eating vegetables or watching TV slide by.

5. Showing Conditional Love

Giving unconditional love is amongst the greatest things you can offer children. Conditional love is one of the huge killers of relationship, particularly in a single parent home where you might be “in competition” with the Ex for their affections.  However, unconditional love can cover a multitude of sins. The child should be told that you just love them no matter what they do and no matter what they say. So if they’re good and obedient, you love them. If they are naughty, insubordinate, rude or self-centered, you love them just the same… Unconditionally!  You might punish them, but you also need to tell them you love them!
If you can avoid these five mistakes you will have an incredible opportunity to build a good parent-child relationship that will last a lifetime.

What Does it Mean to be a Good Parent? 10 Practical Things to Do!

I want to be a good parent, and I’m sure you do too, but what does this actually mean?  Looking around in a public place you will see many people who are examples of bad parenting, so like you I know what I don’t want it to look like, but I also recognize that there is far more to being a good parent than simply having a well behaved child in public.

 

good parentHere’s 10 Practical things you can do to become a Good Parent

1. Be Consistent.

This is one of the biggest things in becoming a good parent… consistency!  Whatever you promise a child as a consequence of their actions, always follow through with it, whether a reward or something they do not like.  Don’t modify the consequences to avoid a fight or make your life more comfortable or easier.

2. Screaming is Losing! 

That’s right, if you reach a point of screaming, yelling or any other display of anger, you lose… immediately!  You lose your child’s respect, and the ability to positively influence your child.  Discipline should be applied without emotion, and without fear, because the consequences must be established before the offence is committed.  Then if they do the act, the consequences happen, it’s that simple!

3. Listen to your Kids. 

You can ask questions of your child and their behaviour, but you also need to listen.  They often don’t need a lecture from you, especially if they know they have messed up, but you are far better asking why they did something, then listening to their answer.  Turn the TV off, close the lap top, put the magazine down and give your child your undivided attention.  They will love the fact you prioritized them over whatever you were doing, and you will learn about them and what they are doing and thinking!

4. Spend Quality Time.

Spending quality time with your child helps you to get to know them, their fears and their concerns, their hopes and dreams.  Don’t take over their lives, but learn about them.  Sit and talk, or text if they prefer, but communicate with them in their language!

5. Technology is Cool, but it’s a Killer.

Computers, TV, DVDs, and mobile devices can take over your child’s life, and your life for that matter, and you have to place limits on these. They might be cool, but they can kill quality time with your children.  Sure they are fun, but for both of you make sure you take 5 minutes every half an hour for a proper break.  A get up, walk, go outside and talk together break.  And overall limit the time to 2-3 hours a day.

6. Look at Yourself.

Because believe me, your children will be looking at you.  Being a good parent is about being a good example to them, and live a life that you want them to emulate, even if things you have done so far in life are what you do not want for your kids.  Be who you want them to be, not who you once were, and start making changes to become the type of person you want your kids to become.

7. Feed Them Well. 

Simply this… watch their diet.  Don’t feed them junk food and soda, you can actually affect how their brain develops, so give them lots of outdoors and sunshine, and feed them healthy food.  Vitamins are also a good idea, and especially fish oil.

8. Know Where They Are.

Make sure you know where they are and who they are with, and also what they are doing. Establish a curfew and stick to it, especially with teenagers.

9. Know Their Friends, and their Friend’s Parents.

Who do they value in their lives?  Make sure you know their friends, and the parents of their friends.  Do the friend’s families have the same morals and standards that you do?

10. Teach Them Respect.

Being a good parent is teaching your kids respect, for themselves, for you and for others.  If they are angry, teach them coping strategies, and make sure respect for others becomes ingrained in them.  This will help stop behaviors like stealing, taking advantage of others sexually and even bullying.

 

Apply these strategies if you want to be a good parent and you will see positive and important changes in your kids which will last a lifetime.

What Does it Mean to be a Good Parent? 10 Practical Things to Do!

Top Ten Good Parenting Techniques for Toddlers

Techniques to successfully parent a toddlerUsing Good Parenting techniques for toddlers can be a joy, but they can also just be hard work! Toddlers can offer you cuteness, happiness and playfulness one minute yet turn into a stubborn, defiant, rebellious psychopath the next!  Turning two can sometimes seem like the magic number when your little angel morphs into your worst nightmare, and without the right techniques for parenting them you face this terror alone!

 

So here is our Top Ten Good Parenting Techniques to help you Tame your Toddler!

 

1. Hug Them

Yes, something as small as a hug can melt a defiant toddler’s heart and cool an explosive situation.  Touching children is important, and lets them feel loved and safe, so remember, hugs are your secret weapon!

2. Love with your Eyes

If your toddler does something wrong you glare at them, but try softening your eyes.  They can sense how you are looking at them, whether you are mad, disappointed or proud, so look at them and love them with your eyes

3. Set firm boundaries with Firm Consequences

Kids need rules!  I know there is a tendency to let them be ‘free spirits’, but you will make a rod for your own back and ultimately do them no favors if you do not have rules.  Rules are boundaries within which toddlers feel safe and protected.  So take the emotion out of it, set firm boundaries and have definite consequences for crossing these.

4. Always Follow Through

Setting consequences is fine, but many parents especially single parents don’t go the distance.  Having set consequences, they give in to the toddler to make things easier or avoid a tantrum, and the child learns that tantrums work in getting their own way!  Set the consequence and stick to it, even if it upsets you or stops you doing what you want to do.  The principle is a good one for toddlers to learn, and they keep it their whole life!

5. Never Lose your Temper

Losing your temper means losing the game.  And your toddler is skilled at messing with you until you do.  Good techniques in your parenting go out the window if you lose your temper, so step back, walk away if necessary, take a few deep breaths and drain the emotion out of the situation. Never let them drive you to losing your temper!

6. To Spank or Not to Spank?

While I am no fan of spanking, there are times when very mild, very, very controlled corporal punishment works wonders. For toddlers a small tap on the wrist is all that is necessary to discipline them.  As they get older it becomes much harder, but as toddlers, it lets them know you are not happy.  Many parents try not to spank their children, then get so frustrated after a while that they end up lashing out in anger.  Small, controlled, tap… get the idea?

7. Always Speak Positively

Using the right techniques when parenting your toddler is essential, but your words can undo all the good techniques you might apply!  Your toddler will do some things wrong, they will be disobedient and test the boundaries.  Whatever happens, always speak positive words to them, never put them down, especially to others.  Always talk them up and your toddler will remember that, even when I was bad, mom or dad still said they loved me!

8. Don’t Label the Child, Label the Act

Always distinguish between the toddler and what they do, especially if it is negative.  So you might say, “What you’ve done is bad,” but never say, “You’re a bad boy.”  Let him know he is a good boy and you love him, but what he did was not good.

9. Love them with your Time

We are so busy these days, but nothing says I love you to a toddler like your spending time with them. Time spent reading to them is great for development, great for their learning potential and great for bringing you closer.  Kids love imagination, so simple acts like reading to them or going on a safari at the beach looking for shells is superb.

10. Have Fun

Your toddler needs to have fun, and so do you.  Enjoy the time you spend with them, even if some bits you can only endure.  Make sure that they see life as fun and something to be worth living.

The tone you set for your kids when they are toddlers can affect the rest of their lives, and make your job when they hit their teens much easier.  Toddlers are eager to please but also eager to test the limits, so be wise and rational, apply our Top Ten and don’t let them drive you to despair

Good parenting techniques applied to toddlers can yield great development, great character and a close parent child bond that lasts a lifetime.

Being a Good Parent as a Single

being a good parentBeing a good parent as a single mom or dad is possible and achievable.  It is certainly a harder ask than attempting this as part of a couple, but many would argue rightly that parenting alone is better than parenting with the wrong partner, or in an abusive relationship.

Being a Good Parent takes more than Just Love!

As a single parent I am sure that you love your children, but being a good parent is far more than that. In my charity running a home for young mothers, I have seen loads of girls who love their kids but cannot parent them properly, even to the point where the government removes them and places them in foster care.  Lots of love, sure, but no parenting skills!

Beyond loving your children being a good parent means making some tough choices and providing real leadership in the home, even as a single parent.  It means learning our Top 10 parenting skills, and applying them consistently. And consistently is the key word!

As a single parent you may not have someone with which to share the parenting load, discuss the situations you face or be there for you when you need help or a break.  If you lack a partner, I urge you to find someone else who can help, such as your mother, a close friend or an organization like the one I run, which is called Lily House.

You may feel that you would like to stand on your own, but trust me, even if you don’t work full or part time, you still can benefit from support.  If you don’t have someone close to you, you can pay for things like child care or after school support.

Sometimes being a good parent is about asking for help rather than continuing to do what you are doing and facing failure or collapse. It’s about being strong for your children and being a leader, rather than having them control you and your reactions.  It’s about acting with your kids instead of reacting. Good parenting is about good decisions you can make in the easy times that you stick to when the pressure is on.

Learning how to parent is very achievable for single moms and dads.  The pressure may be on to compromise, especially if you share custody, because chances are your ex is not going to parent in the same style as you do.  Nevertheless, if you do the right things in the long run your children will thank you for it.

Is Being a Good Parent about Being a Policeman?

Sometimes yes, you will have to make unpopular decision, and when your ex gets to have the fun times and you get to do the disciplining, is can be a difficult position.

That’s when you need to show unconditional love, as well as firm rules, and it may be the right time to talk to your ex about coordinating your efforts for the good of your child.  If bringing up your child degrades into a game of ‘who can give the biggest bribe’, then your child might think they are winning, but they will ultimately lose.

Read our Top 10 parenting skills and apply them with genuine love.  You will discover than being a good parent is more than just love, and that even as a single parent, you can do this successfully for your child.

What is Good Parenting?

Parenting is Good for Single ParentsWhat is good parenting and how does someone become a good at being a parent? Anyone who has children will have asked themselves this question at some time, and it is perhaps especially important for singles, because they have to learn to fulfill two roles in the lives of their children.

Although this is a very complex subject, I would like to offer 2 simple methods you can apply to improve your skills in this area and become outstanding, even if you are single!

So exactly what is good parenting?

Being a good parent is far more than having a compliant, well-behaved child, but for many parents this appears to be the goal of their parenting. This is a very myopic view, and it is usually motivated by social concerns or a selfish desire on the part of the parent.  It goes far beyond this and helps develop their character as they prepare them for adult life.

In years gone by many favored the use of harsh discipline with a child, and the goal was to produce a kid who was ‘seen and not heard’. I believe that this is a mistake, but many do this because they were subjected to this treatment themselves when they were young.  Many adults also compare their seemingly well-behaved children with other kids who are misbehaving and it makes them feel better, but are those kids able to change their effective behaviour to ultimately make them successful in life?

Today many carry the scars of over discipline when they were young, and many are still haunted by the fact that they felt loved when they were obedient, but unloved if they made mistakes.

Some even go the other way, failing to apply any discipline or control over their children because they suffered at the hands of overbearing parents.

The thing is that good parenting starts with unconditional love, the type that does not change with whatever the child is doing or whatever rules are in play.

It is then backed up with firm and stable limits for the child, with unchanging and always applied consequences that they must learn if they step outside of the limits. In this way you can set limits for your children and protect them, and you can also guide the development of life skills they need… But consistency is the key! The consequences for disobedience must be explained to the child beforehand, and followed through with every single time until they learn that is it better for them to listen to you!

Yet no matter what mistakes they have made or what they have done, and no matter what the consequences for bad behavior, they must always know that they are loved unconditionally.

These are parental skills that you can offer your children, no matter how you were brought up yourself.  You can offer them whether you are married or single, employed or staying at home.

So the simplest answer to the question what is good parenting is twofold, unconditional love and unrelenting consequences!