You may be in love with your partner, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t face blended family problems. Your marriage may be heaven, but the step kids can make it hell, so here are some thoughts about how you can conquer blended family problems and have a peaceful, happy home.
The Problem in Blended Families
One woman said, “I love my husband, but wish I could divorce his kids!” This sums up how many step parents feel, and especially how they feel used and abused by their step children. Trying to parent kids in blended families can produce real problems and conflict, even between a loving couple because the birth father often tries to appease his children by taking their side against his new partner.
You need to recognize that step families are born of loss. Often the remarried couple forget this, but the kids don’t! Also, step parents and step children do not necessarily love each other, especially if the kids are being influenced by the other biological parent.
Step kids often feel pushed out of the parent-child relationship they once had with their biological parent, as can react against the new step parent.
In addition, conflict over parenting styles can be huge! Spouses must talk to each other like a couple, while parents need to talk like parents to the children.
Tips for solving Blended Family Problems
1. Put yourself in the stepchild’s place. They didn’t ask for the divorce or death, and they didn’t ask for you to come on the scene.
2. Make your marriage your number one priority. Seeing a strong, stable marriage can be great for kids who have been through a failed parent relationship
3. Be gracious, even when you try to be firm. Often it is the way you deliver discipline which hurts them the most.
4. Always speak kind and positive words about your spouse in front of the children.
5. Do not contradict your spouse in front of the children.
6. Only say positive things about your spouse’s ex-partner, no matter what you think of them
7. Allow your partner to take the lead in disciplining their children.
8. Seek counseling for problems as they arise, rather than letting things slide to the point where emotions and consequences are running high!
You Can Overcome Blended Family Problems
Blended family problems aren’t new, they have been around as long as families themselves. However, if you are wise about how you relate to your stepchildren, you can make your home a happy and productive place and you can not only learn to live with but discover how to overcome most blended family problems.